dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
