Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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