no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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