he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
