Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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