and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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