He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
