I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
