i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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