Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
