I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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