mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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