the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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