Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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