U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
