i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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