I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
