I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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