thus making me awesome and them whores
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
