So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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