Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I didn't notice because vodka
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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