I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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