HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
