Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
