I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
