I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
