I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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