This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
