Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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