did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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