Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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