So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
