As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
two words...techno handjob
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
