I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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