but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
