he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
