I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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