thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
