shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
