Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
