The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
