i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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