Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
