You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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