They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
