I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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