Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
