you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
