But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
