i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
that's an acceptable place to lick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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