God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
