how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
