how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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