jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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