i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
