Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
