so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I smell like Dick and happiness
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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