went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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