plz talk dirty to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
