ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
