i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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