I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
