So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
