the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
