The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
