And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
