i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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