Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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