peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
