Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
