I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
23 People Confess Why They Donâ€™t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.