im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one