i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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