i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza