Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat