I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
