I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize