its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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