are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
