we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just pee around me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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