We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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